How Green Was My Profile

In TFC on June 26, 2010 at 6:50 pm

Posted by Harry Google-Hack (aka Andy Bell)

Australia’s new Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, was born in Barry, South Wales.  Following the example of many other fine writers, here is a profile of that town.  It has been compiled with the same loving approach to verisimilitude. Or not, as the case may be.    

The new Australian Prime Minister lived the first three, four or even thirty three years of her life in the charming South Wales fishing and greyhound racing village of Barry. 

The town, hamlet and/or metropolis nestles beneath a recently extinct volcano, Mynydd Gor-Symyleiddio, and within spitting distance of the Welsh capital Dimparcio. 

14,923 coal mines are located in its CBD.  Many people are unaware that the Welsh form of the town’s name is Vladivostok.

Julia Gillard was born at one of the many hospitals in the town which are all named after Shirley Bassey and/or Tom Jones. The first sounds she heard were of a male voice choir singing “Waltzing Matilda”.  They are still singing to this day.

Barry has a population of three men who race whippets and a woman with a silly hat.  Or it could be 47,863. They all say they are  proud of Julia Gillard despite the fact that they have never heard of her.   “She is a lovely girl,” said Dai Jones, “indeed to goodness, look you, there’s lovely bach.”

Mr Jones is in a critical condition.

A spokesman for the local tourist board says he expects the bar tab at the local tavern, the Egregious Expenses Claim, to reach tens of thousands of dollars. and he has sent a note of extreme thanks to Ms Gillard’s electorate office.

In breaking news, reports are reaching us that Australia is a democracy somewhere in the southern hemisphere.

We cross now to former neighbours of the Gillards shortly after their release from a Cardiff City home game. 


  1. […] Fel mae pawb yn gwybod am gefndir Julia Gillard erbyn hyn. (Dyma fy “take” ar y ffordd y mae’r cyfryngau Awstraliaidd wedi trin a thrafod ei c…) […]

  2. […] Tim had his say while Andy sort of said this and got somewhat satirical here. […]

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