Posted by Tim Harrison
Rumour has it Julia Gillard will strike while the curling iron’s hot and it’s too cold for Tony Abbott to be seen in his budgie smugglers… here comes an election!
First up, and especially for our international readers, “Australia has compulsory voting, uses full-preference instant-runoff voting in single member seats for the lower house, the Australian House of Representatives, and single transferable vote group voting tickets in the proportionally represented upper house, the Australian Senate” (according to Wikipedia, the source of much ‘stuff’).
Confused? You should be.
Let me help… Basically, you get a pencil and couple of pretty coloured sheets of paper with tick boxes on them and you get to pick who you want.
BUT, don’t pick blindly, we encourage you to make an informed decision.
Here are the key questions you should be probing your candidates with before you sharpen your pencil:
- What’s your position on the Eurovision song contest? If they ask ‘what’s Eurovision?’ that’s a -1 right there.
- What’s your dress sense like? Polka dots or striped suits are a +1, speedos could be a -5 or +5 depending on the culprit.
- What football team do you follow? Andy would say Bulldogs is a +5, I’m not so sure, but jumping on the Greater Western Sydney bandwagon now is probably a -5 at least.
- Are you a fan of British or US comedy? British should be a +1, US most likely a -1 as the Brits have the edge.
- Have you heard of Fraochy Bay? ‘Yes’ is a +500, no is a slap in the chops for our industrious Welsh friends.
- Titsling or Brassiere? Basically a question of culture…
- Do you Tweet? Not being aware of your candidates’ every thought might be good, but ignorance may not be bliss…
These, I believe are just some of the key questions you should ask your federal candidates. Remember, they’ll spend lots of dosh on advertising, but I have a fair inkling that none of these hard-hitting issues will be addressed.
Stay tuned to the show on Saturday nights at 9:00PM Melbourne time on Joy 94.9 and keep an eye on our blog as we delve further into the upcoming election than is decent. And in a parting shameless plug, I have joined Andy Bell in the ‘Twitter-verse’ so you can follow MY every thought… http://twitter.com/tfctimharrison (Andy’s at http://twitter.com/fullcatjoy).
Until next time, peidiwch byth â bwyta mwy nag y gallwch chi lifft.