Posted by Tim “Open Reel” Harrison
As I drove into work this morning my car drove me to work this morning (cruise control, climate control, stability control…), I heard that the Walkman has been dealt the final death blow by Sony. Yes, that’s it folks, they’re all done and dusted. There are no more rolling off the production line.
It got me to thinking about all the gadgets I’ve had in the past and all the ones I have now. And I’ve reached a conclusion, I think I’m a grumpy old man. OK, so I’m ‘only’ 36. Andy’s… a few years ahead… But, I am a bit grumpy at times and I’ve noticed it’s usually while I’m electronically interfaced. Let’s review this morning for example…
- My car has cruise control. Sounds nice? Why can’t I just cruise then? Why do I have to constantly adjust the speed to compensate for every little stupid thing on the road. Really, ‘cruise control’ is really just electronic double-sided tape for the accelerator pedal.
- My phone has bluetooth (even the name implies being bitten) and so does my car. So why is that after an hour and a quarter it still hadn’t ‘automatically’ connected? When I finally managed to get it to connect, the voice recognition doover decided the word ‘home’ was too hard (it spat out ‘no match found’ to which I replied, well, never mind what I said…)
- My laptop at work was waiting for me on my desk blinking away happily. But when I poked it, all I had was a black screen with a mouse pointer. That’s it, just the mouse pointer. What’s the good of that? Some ten minutes later after pressing a few too many buttons, it decided reluctantly to cooperate.
- My lunchroom at work has an ‘auto-espresso’ machine. I plonked my mug under the “spout” and pressed what I thought was ‘cappuccino’. Turns out I hit ‘macchiato’, which is Italian for tiny-bit-of-coffee-with-a-tiny-bit-of-milk. As we say here…. sub-optimal.
So, you ask, what’s the point of this ridiculous rant?
Well, I’ll tell you.
I’m 36 and I’m grumpy.
I’m grumpy because the walkmans of the world are being replaced by interactive 3D touch-screen bluetooth enabled location aware cloud computing devices. And all I want is to play my music.
I’m sick of stupid gadgets that don’t connect or interface or whatever it is they’re supposed to do. What happened to simplicity? With a walkman, the worst you had was, “Oops, batteries are flat”, or “Oops, wrong tape.” Now it’s us vs the machine and I don’t like it. Not one bit.
So, I’m off to count my blessings on my hand-held mathematical computational device…